interaction

Posts Tagged interaction

The Search is On? Adding to the Crew

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I only have two dogs. This is not a scenario that has existed in my life for almost twenty years. The grief is still very fresh. It’s also compounded by what I view as the end of a huge part of my life with the three dogs that taught me so much more than I could ever begin to pay them for. The lessons were abundant and endless and life changing. I feel lost in a world that changed far too fast for my tastes. When I lost Merlin and then Kera just nine short months later, this house was in a sad state of depression. Siri, Trent and I had lost our zest for life. There was little laughter and fun. There was no inclination to smile. Adding Kenzo to our life was a survival necessity. We needed laughter and smiles to move forward.

A similar scenario is unfolding in my life just three short years later. Every day brings multiple reminders of my new two dog life: counting out only two vitamins to add to the daily rations, grabbing two leashes off the hook rather than three, only two bowls in the dishwasher now, I could go on and on. The biggest hole is perhaps the ability to finally sleep in my own bed after three months of couch dwelling, now that Kenzo has received the go ahead to climb steps again. But that first sleep in my sorely missed bed was bittersweet without Siri, who had shared my bed for thirteen years, all 95 pounds of her. I am still getting used to the difference.

Kenzo and Trent wonder who will be joining them.

So many tugs at my heart throughout every single day. I know this my cue to think about adding to my family again. Trent and Kenzo are reluctant to play now. They actually have been this way since Siri started declining about six months ago. She wasn’t able to participate so they just stopped trying. Kenzo wants to but Trent has always had Siri on his side, keeping Kenzo in check should he need it. Please don’t misunderstand me. That is certainly my job as well, as the parent here but for play purposes, Siri made sure that Trent felt safe. Kenzo never did anything inappropriate. It is his sheer size that worries Trent so he almost always waited until Siri got him into a comfortable play mode and then Trent joined in. Without her to set the tone, he isn’t accepting Kenzo’s play invitations. Not that Kenzo can actively play right now anyway. He has another five weeks to go before that is on the menu. But Kenzo has always been very good at handicapping his play for other dogs. He lays down and lets them basically play on him but Trent isn’t terribly good at that without a partner to guide him.

So we need a new playmate in this house. When Kenzo gets cleared for more active play, my search for the right female will become official. Right now, it is just casual, with an eye towards what we need. I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t want to put my memories too far behind me. But I don’t want to dwell all the time either. I want to hear laughter and play sounds in my house again. I want my dogs to roll around happily in my yard and share toys and feel comfortable and bonded again. I want my family as whole as I can make them again ASAP. Short enough order, right?

In order to avoid having all sorts of available dog listings sent to me, let me clarify what my goal is. I am looking to add a Doberman to my life again. Female only, probably under five years of age, color, ears, tails don’t matter though I won’t deny a special fondness for those who are black/tan or fawn/tan though. A mix is a possibility. Even other breeds such as Rottweilers or German Shepherd Dogs are a possibility. I will know when the right dog shows up in my consciousness.

Of course, our new girl MUST be wonderful with other dogs. All else I am willing to work on but I refuse to compromise on dog sociability in my own home, especially at this time in our lives. Let’s not forget to mention that local to me is important and for those who don’t already know where that is, it’s the Pittsburgh PA area. I will keep you all posted and I am sure that Siri will help lead the right dog to use just as I am sure that Merlin brought Kenzo into my life. So please resist the urge to send me every dog in need. 

Feel free to share how you chose your addition in the spaces below.

Tags: addition, Adoption, behavior, dogs, grief, household, how, interaction, loss, many, memories, multiple, multiples, owner, play, positive, rescue, search, too

Posted in: Projects

Saving Them All: At What Cost?

No Kill. This is a buzzword in the rescue and shelter community. But to the majority of said community, it is an offensive term. The use of this term implies that all else but no-kill aficionados are to be scorned. No one wants euthanasia. But the sad reality is that it’s not possible to save them all responsibly.

The above paragraph will cause a huge uproar among some rescue circles. But not the responsible ones. Don’t misunderstand me. All lives are worthwhile. But there are worse fates than euthanasia. Warehousing is sadly common among the save them all fans. What does warehousing mean? Unfortunately, it entails keeping animals technically alive but with little regard to quality of life. This can include crating or kenneling for long periods without human interaction and without enrichment. Endless hours without physical exercise or mental stimulation is not healthy for any living being. Why would it be okay for an animal? Is alive really better in this circumstance? Would the animal experiencing this agree with the no kill crowd if asked? I tend to doubt it.

Yet there are ‘rescuers’ who only care about whether a dog is alive. They consider this a win. Dog after dogs are taken in by some rescues, into foster homes that already have too many to meet all their needs. Dogs are crated, with little interaction and exercise. Their emotional and physical needs are only marginally met. They spend long hours with little to do. In other scenarios, they are placed into any home that offers, with little to no screening to determine suitability. These homes often are fickle in their preferences and when the dog isn’t perfect, the dog is given up for the next ‘save’. These dogs go from home to home, often being given away with no regard to where they land. The emotional toll this takes on an animal can be permanently damaging. The lucky ones find a place that is home for life, hopefully a home that is good to them. The unlucky ones are victims of abuse and neglect, worse off than their life wherever they started from.

Rescue can be an addiction, like so many other addictions that cause the people acting on them to feel good when they ‘win’. Numbers are more important than quality to so many. The need is for self approval and self importance, not the improvement of a dog’s life. Rescuers patting themselves on the back, the worse the story, the more attention they get for the ‘save’. Then the ‘saved’ dogs get shipped off to some foster home that is no better than a warehouse and the hell begins anew.

I am truly sorry if this comes off as cynical but it’s a sad reality for so many more than it should be. This doesn’t mean that the most shared stories of dogs in dire straits are bad rescuers. Each situation is individual and most rescuers who take in dogs who were victims of terrible circumstances are just trying to do a good thing. But there are many others who are looking for their 15 minutes, less about the dog, more about them.

These are the same individuals and groups who think every dog can be saved, no matter the cost to the rescue, the community and the other dogs who will die because of the effort to save one. Let me preface this by saying that I will be the first one to offer to help when a dog with a committed family wants assistance with modifying his or her issues. A committed family willing to implement proper management and a proper behavior modification protocol in order to make things safer for the community and their dog is to be commended. That is best case scenario for a successful behavior modification.

The same type of issue in a dog who is available for adoption is not going to be as workable in many scenarios. Consistency makes for a successful outcome. Consistency is often lacking in rescue and shelter scenarios, when the issue is severe. Situations such as severe stranger aggression or severe dog aggression pose a danger to so many. Placing a dog who has already killed another dog and seriously attacked others, leaves a very small and unrealistic criteria for a successful adoption. Yet there are people who rally for dogs like this to be shipped to some imaginary unicorn location where they can be ‘fixed’ fast. That isn’t even a possibility yet some ‘trainers’ make such promises.

I hear these ‘rescuers’ say that human errors caused the dog’s issues. They did indeed but we are not placing dogs with aliens. Until we accept that we are all humans and all capable of these errors and stuff happens, then we will continue to make mistakes. These mistakes mean that we place dogs who are simply not fixable in the situations they are in, into a household unequipped to handle them.

I see post after post on Facebook about dogs that ‘need some work’, just needing a place they can go with ‘no other dogs, no cats, no kids, no men’, etc. I see post after post about dogs that need to ‘live with a single woman who never has visitors’. Sure, these homes exist but they are few and far between and they are the ones who already have that dog. There are people taking in dogs like this who have other dogs, who crate and rotate dogs in different parts of the house. This is a very stressful way to live. Accidents happen. They really do. Humans will be human. And then we are back to the lack of appropriate enrichment for the dog with the issue and once again, quality of life rears it’s ugly head.

Lest you declare me as advocating for mass genocide of dogs, I am wholeheartedly supportive of proper attempts at behavior modification with the appropriate commitment level, with the dogs that fit these descriptions. If there is a place where this can happen and given the proper attention, then almost every dog deserves a chance. But here is where the attention to common sense and reality must come into play. If you have done everything that could be done and the dog you are trying to help is not improving, despite appropriate attempts at behavior modification, medication, vet screenings for organic causes and people and/or animals in your care have been seriously injured, then you owe it to those people and other animals to take a long hard look at the situation. No one should be pressured to not give up just because others don’t share their own common sense. Pressure from others to ‘try just one more thing’ causes guilt on the part of the person trying to help. That is hardly helpful.

Every life is worth putting an effort to save. But an effort should not involve placing so many others in danger in any given foster home or the public at large. It also should not be mean that perfectly lovely dogs with wonderful temperaments in overcrowded shelters be placed in danger of euthanasia simply because of space. What about their right to being saved? I realize that this is an extremely controversial subject and emotions run very high on both sides. But we all need to stop and realize just how many good dogs are dying because of our choices. We need to consider quality of life and not just being alive.

Everyone has different personal beliefs about life after we leave this earth. I don’t expect anyone else to agree with mine. But mine are that this is only but one realm of our existence and that nothing is to be feared about leaving this realm. I believe that leaving this realm doesn’t mean an end to consciousness. Perhaps that helps me make hard decisions easier than some who don’t share this belief. In any case, I believe we have an obligation to the animals in our care to do the best that we can by them while we are with them and that includes letting go when we should. Peace to you all in your own decisions on this subject. Feel free to share your thoughts on this subject in the spaces below but I ask that you please keep it classy.

Tags: behavior, bully, canine, danger, dogs, dominance, fix, force, interaction, life, many, multiple, peace, positive, rescue, sad, save, shelter, training

Posted in: Projects

Sweet Dreams are Made of These: Should Your Crew Sleep With You?

If I had a dollar for every time a client apologized before telling me that their dog(s) sleep with them, I could have retired by now. Old school style training dictated that dogs not be allowed on raised surfaces or they would consider themselves of equal or higher status than their ‘masters’. *insert eye roll here*

The only time sleeping in the human bed is advised against is if there are guarding issues of some sort. Guarding, in this case, can pertain to the space on the bed. Guarding from the humans is a biggie that needs addressed in person with a qualified modern methods behavior consultant. Guarding from other canines or even felines is also an issue that needs addressed with a similarly qualified professional. But overall, that provides less of a threat to the humans, aside from breaking up a fight, that is. I am obviously not going to give advice on these issues here. On the spot assistance is what you need if these issues ring a bell.

Aside from the previously mentioned red flags, sharing the bed is fine, if that is what you wish to do. Of course, if you don’t wish to share your bed with your dogs, I am not here to say you must or your dogs will suffer. What I will share with you is this: dogs feel so much safer being permitted to sleep in the vicinity of their human family members. It doesn’t matter whether it’s on your bed or in their own bed in your room or that of another family member. Even being permitted to be on the same floor as the sleeping area is better than not.

Safety: we have discussed that here before. Safety is a crucial feeling to all sentient creatures. Safety is vital to survival. Safety provides emotional and physical security. The amount of stress a lack of safety adds to an emotional state cannot be overstated.

Familial bonding is another often overlooked facet of this scenario. For example, most households have some sort of regular weekday work or school schedule that prevents a lot of bonding and togetherness during the workweek, whether that be weekdays or just several days strung together where the canines in the family get less interaction than they need for emotional stability. Consider then that the dogs in the home may sleep separately from the humans and you have very little togetherness going on.

The easiest way that involves very little effort, once the routine is established, is to permit your crew to sleep in the vicinity of the humans for whom they care for. It involves little effort once, you get past the novelty, if you are new to this. And it is rewarding for all involved.

I often get quizzed on why dogs who don’t sleep near their humans are so needy on workday evenings. The answer is that they spend so little time together on these days. Sleeping in the same area is an easy way to remedy that situation. Less neediness on the dogs side, more peace on both sides.

What if you have allergies? Well, some of you are not going to like my answer on that but here goes. Allergies are over-exaggerated, in my opinion. I am allergic to just about everything, including dogs. So my take on that is if you are able to have and love on your dog, you are able to sleep in the same room as your dog. Just limit them to their own beds, rather than yours.

So what if you don’t have room for all your dogs in your bed or even your room? After all, if you are reading this, you are very likely a multiple dog household of some quantity and not all households have human beds big enough for the humans and all the canines! So the solution to that is providing plenty of comfy sleeping surfaces and options for all dogs who reside there. If there is sufficient room in the bedroom, then place beds all over that room. If there are multiple family members, consider both canine and human preferences for favorites and plan from there. A word on that however: some children or even adult family members may permit too many privileges for a dog that may not be ready for such privileges so keep that in mind when choosing sleeping places.

Some readers are likely wondering about dogs that don’t want to sleep near their humans. Some dogs may prefer a bed in a close by empty bedroom or a dog bed in a hallway nearby. But in that case, what is important is that the choice of where to sleep is there. Meaning, the dog(s) has/have the run of the house at night and chooses this alternate spot. What I strongly advise against is crating day and night, away from the humans. Not only is it cruel physically, it’s emotionally isolating. Obviously puppies need crated or otherwise have their movement restricted at night for safety concerns. But said crate should be in the vicinity of a human family member.

The difference in the emotional neediness is obvious when sleeping safety is considered. Easy bonding while sleeping can only be beneficial. Please share how you arrange your crew’s sleeping routines in the spaces below. And sweet dreams!

Tags: bed, behavior, bonding, bully, dog, dogs on raised surfaces, dogs sleeping on the bed, dogs sleeping with owners, dominance, emotional, family, force, interaction, many, master, multiple, nearby, owner, peace, permit, positive, puppy, rescue, respect, safe, shelter, sleep, sleeping

Posted in: Projects

Fairness Among the Crew: All’s Fair in Love and War or is it?

I have never been fond of the phrase “All’s Fair in Love and War.” Even less so when it applies to dogs. Perhaps it should be rephrased as “Lack of Fairness in Love Can Create Wars”; in the multiple dog household anyway.

There’s no denying it: everyone has favorites. I have written in the past about my special connection with Merlin. He was and always will be my heart and soul favorite. And in some ways, I made that a little clearer than I should have with the crew as a whole. But I like to think that I did a good job of being fair most of the time. And “most of the time” is the important phrase here. Merlin did not get the favorite’s position automatically, because with my crew, behavior often plays a part in who goes first.

I believe dogs are aware of fairness. And I am not the only one who sees this. A scientist by the name of Friederike Range, a researcher at the University in Vienna along with her colleagues, studied fairness in dogs. In a series of experiments published in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences looked at how dogs reacted when a buddy was rewarded for a trick in an unequal way.

Many dog parents have known for a long time that dogs have far more intellect than humans give them credit. They think, they observe, they have emotions, they can feel slighted. As is with humans, some handle slights better than others. Some take it in stride, simply accepting their “place”, some show anger and start battles with the one(s) who get more of whatever the resource is. This can often be the source of squabbles in a multiple dog household. The target is the dog who is the recipient of real or perceived favoritism.

Thus being unfair on a regular basis in a multiple dog household can have consequences ranging from mild to dire. It’s easy to play favorites but if you do, spread out the love. Your crew will be much happier.

In any given multiple dog household, there are different personalities. Different dogs like different activities. Some dogs enjoy agility, some dogs participate in competitive obedience. Some dogs like to swim and some dogs like to play ball. There are often crossover activities that several dogs may go to or like to do. This helps spread out the love by joining activities. The simple act of doing different things with different dogs helps create fairness as well, by allowing all dogs to have their “me time”.

There are a number of other areas that fairness comes into play as well. All resources are ripe for unfairness. Access to special food, play, cuddles, etcetera than the other members of your crew will be noted. Play fair with affection and don’t allow one dog to regularly hog the spotlight. Fairness is an issue when annoyances between the crew arise as well. If one dog gets picked on repeatedly and no one in charge intervenes, that dog gets left to fend for himself. That is never going to be fair. This particular issue was addressed in the previous blog so it won’t be dwelled upon here.

Is the concept of fairness a concern among dogs?

Doling out treats in the same order is often thought of as supporting a particular hierarchy that you feel is appropriate. In some cases, this can be appropriate such as supporting the original members of the crew initially when a new crew member joins the household. This can be the oldest to newest method of denoting who goes first. But once peace is is established, manners become more important than oldest to newest. I have found that some people reward the pushiest dog first because it’s easier and that is the opposite of what should be done. This can definitely not only send the wrong message to the pushy dog in question but to the dogs who are politely waiting their turn.

There is always going to be some unfairness in life. One dog may needs meds or special attention due to a medical issue. But when it’s obvious to your crew that you make an effort to be fair the majority of the time, the better the chance that they take occasional unfairness in stride. Fairness is part of safety and security. Safety and security are vital to a balanced emotional state. Aim for this and you have fairness covered!

Feel free to use the spaces below to share how to achieve fairness with your own crew.

Tags: annoy, behavior, dog, fair, Favorite, force, interaction, many, multiple, order, peace, play, positive, respect, social, train, treat

Posted in: Projects

Altered States: How Important is Intact Status to Social Skills?

A recent interaction on a social networking site clued me into the fact that not all dog geeks know about things they may not have personal experience with. I believe this subject to be important enough to repeat some information from past blogs. So while this particular blog isn’t specifically about multiple dog households, it is about multiple dog interactions and therefore applies to multiple dog households as well.

Those of you who have followed my blog have seen mention of this topic before; especially, if you have been tracking the saga of Kenzo’s neutering. Mixing intact males and neutered males is a social setting can be tricky when the goal is interactive play.

While there are no scientific studies to support this subject, I expect that many behavior professionals have come across this particular quirk in their careers. Many a client has commented to me that their own neutered male “doesn’t like intact males”. Science, while wonderful, isn’t studying every subject so it behooves is as behavior junkies, to learn from other sources as well, such as observation and repetition of occurrences.

Now those of you who have never had the opportunity or the right circumstances to see such an issue for yourself may wonder what this consists of. The manifestation can vary according to the dog. I have a former class student who’s neutered male screams and stands on his back feet when he gets the close by scent of an intact male. This happened once with a dog in class owned by a friend, who I knew had just been neutered so we assumed that the surgery was simply too fresh. I later learned that said dog had a cryptorchid testicle so the hormones had not fully been removed. The reacting dog had been right!

I have been witness and a hearsay recipient to such occurrences for the entire length of my dog behavior career so it surprised me that not every behavior savvy individual had been exposed to this. But when pondering how frequently the occurrence actually happens, it makes sense to me.

You see, not all neutered males are threatened emotionally by an intact male. My sweet Merlin had no issues at all with any dogs he interacted with unless they were rude to him. Even then, until he reached his senior years, his fuse was long. Intact or altered, it was all the same to him. We had literally dozens of males come through my house as foster dogs, mostly arriving needing snipped. Interactions were pleasant all around. But Merlin was a confident dog for his entire life, sure of his place in the world, even as a puppy.

However, Trent, my Pit Bull is a different story altogether. He is very insecure, despite being very loved and cared for and having a secure life. He is on anxiety meds and has come very far with his issues but will likely always be insecure of his place in the world. Yet until Kenzo started reaching sexual maturity, I never noticed that he was among the neutered males affected by intact males. He never reacted any differently when out and about or having intact foster dogs in the house. But Kenzo stayed and was raised here and grew bigger and bigger in front of his very eyes. It became very clear that Trent felt increasingly threatened by him, although nothing that Kenzo did was at fault.

I have already chronicled what transpired with Kenzo’s social group visits with increasing frequency as Kenzo matured more. So I won’t repeat myself. But what I will do now is describe it further. The moment we entered the room with the other dogs, a dog or two, who would turn out with questioning of the owner, to be a neutered male, would rush over and snark at Kenzo’s face, trying to nip at him both in his face and around his face. The owner and I would interrupt and send the dog elsewhere and he (or they) would come back targeting just Kenzo again. The owner(s) and I would have to be continually on top of this for the entire hour long social. It was exhausting. So I stopped attending until Kenzo was neutered.

Other clients have told similar tales from either an off leash walk in the park or a visit to the dog park. Intact dogs are typically not permitted at dog parks but many people don’t abide by rules and most dog parks are not supervised by an authority figure. Anyone can bring their dog, well behaved or not, intact or not, to most dog parks. There is an assumed risk there. So while there is almost always some sort of a disagreement between dogs at a dog park, most people don’t ask questions to determine why. In many cases, it is the intact/neutered male equation at play.

What does this all mean in the whole scheme of things in the dog world? Well, as previously mentioned in many blogs, I am very pro-altering for the majority of the American dog owning world. Disagreements about the health pros and cons of either point of view aside, the behavioral aspects of having an intact male in a world of neutered males is an important consideration. If you have no plans on having your dog be social with other dogs up close and personal ever, then you have no worries. If you are a behavior professional and qualified to deal with the potential aggression directed towards your intact male, then go for it.

But if you are just a loving dog owner who doesn’t want to have to become a behavior expert just so that your intact male dog can safely interact with your neighbor’s neutered male dog, then just make the appointment for neutering. Why punish the intact dogs by neutering them when the true issue lies with the insecure neutered male dog? Well, I don’t see neutering as a punishment. Unless you are a responsible breeder or showing your dog (in which case you probably do have the skills needed to handle this correctly!), then I just don’t see the need to keep a dog intact. I expect that statement to anger many people. I am sorry if it does but that won’t make me change my mind on the subject.

In conclusion, the stakes are just too high to take the chance of leaving your dog intact, in MOST cases. So feel free to offer your opinions, POLITELY phrased, in the spaces below, on both sides of the issue. I especially want to hear from those who have experienced their own dog aggressing at intact males. Play nicely in the sandbox people!

Tags: behavior, dog, dominance, household, insecure, interaction, many, multiple, neutering, social, threaten, training

Posted in: Projects

How Many Is Too Many Dogs? Part 2: When Rescuers Need Rescuing

This subject has been my most popular blog subject ever. Google searches on this phrase find the original blog more frequently than the website itself. The question itself crosses the mind of all who have more dogs than is considered the norm by the general public. The general public’s opinion, however, is not who anyone should base their perfect canine number on. Not by a long shot.

The renewed interest in this subject was prompted by a recent story locally of a breed rescuer who is being forced by local law enforcement, to reduce her numbers from more than eighty dogs, to twenty five dogs. Neighbors complained and ordinances are now being enforced. She has very little time to perform such a feat, meaning if seized, more than fifty dogs are facing a death sentence. This disturbs me greatly, for a number of reasons. Hopefully, by the time you read this, these dogs will no longer be in danger. Follow up to be noted when available, never fear.

Photo from a recent hoarding case.

But back to the reasons this disturbs me: there are so many, let me count the ways. Having been a rescuer (currently resting emotionally from that task), I can say with passion that it is really hard to say no to dogs in need. But I can also say with passion that I learned the hard way that if you don’t take care of yourself and your own dogs, first, everyone suffers and no one is truly helped. It is important to know your limit: emotionally, physically, financially, etc. regardless of whether you are a rescuer or just a plain dog owner who wants more dogs in your life. Know your limits!

If you are sentencing dogs to hours upon endless hours in crates or kennels, with little to no exercise and human interaction; that is not rescuing. That is hell on earth. Don’t pull dogs from shelters if you are not bettering their situation. Don’t call yourself a rescuer or even just a normal multiple dog household when you are clearly in over your head. No one human can take proper care of eighty-something dogs. It’s just not possible. Even with a couple of volunteer hands, it’s not enough.

There is another new hoarding situation almost every day in the media. This person was found to have fifty cats. That person was found to have a hundred dogs. This is a sickness. It’s not well intentioned rescuing or a loving multiple dog household. It may have started that way but it did not end up that way. At heart, it’s about selfishness, not selflessness. Rescuers make themselves feel good about rescuing. There is nothing wrong with that if you are not also using that as the ends to justify the means. Rescuing a dog is more than simply keeping them alive. Being alive is not the same thing as living well.

Dogs are sentient beings. They have thoughts and feelings and emotional needs, in addition to the physical needs of food, water, physical care and warm housing. No one would think it appropriate to expect people to live in a small space with no interaction or exercise day after endless day. It is equally unreasonable to expect the same of a dog, if the expectation is that the dog in question should remain mentally stable, that is! Placing unstable dogs is not appropriate without behavior modification and then we come back to lack of resources again.

The moral of this story is that as a multiple dog owner and/or rescuer, you dear reader, need to be fully aware of your limitations; physically, emotionally, financially, etc. Take into account your own basic needs, the needs of the dogs you currently have and calculate it all together in a PRACTICAL way. Then make a decision on whether to add another dog, foster or permadog, to your life. There are plenty of people on this earth who can care for a dog just as well as you can, I promise you this. If your urge to help a particular dog is strong but your limitations are stronger, sponsor the dog, promote the dog, do things other than adding the dog to your household to get him or her a good home. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. And above all, be there for your current crew as a responsible multiple dog owner and/or rescuer.

Tags: breed, canine, crate, dogs, emotion, enforcement, foster, hell, hoarding, how, human, interaction, law, many, more, multi, multiple, needs, rescue, sickness, small, suffer, too

Posted in: Projects

A Little Bit of Heart & Soul: Remembering Merlin, My Heart Dog

Originally posted on September 23, 2012.

I have thought about how I should honor his life endlessly as this emotional anniversary approaches and I have decided that remembering some of my fondest moments with Merlin was the most appropriate way. I want to celebrate his life. He was a remarkable dog, He touched so many lives. I hope that I can honor him properly. So I chose to speak directly to him.

To Merlin from mom:

I was attracted to you the second I saw you, so small at about three months of age, but so sassy in that cage at the shelter. It was my first day walking dogs who weren’t on the adoption floor and I had just lost my Layla only a week prior to seeing you. You looked at me with such sly eyes, so knowing, so full of intelligence and humor. It only took one look and I knew you were to be mine. You knew it too. I was told that you had “sexy” eyes by another shelter volunteer, such an odd compliment for a dog but clearly true as well; something more than in most canine eyes at such a young age. Such potential.

Merlin, on a walk, grinning.

When we brought Kera home after you “chose” her just a month later, you were thrilled that I got you such a wonderful “toy” until you realized you had to share me! You made Kera “pay” for a couple of days, then you made her your partner in crime, deftly giving me a crash course in multiple dog ownership/training.

Having only had “easy” dogs up until you, you challenged my mind at every opportunity. You performed magic feats on doorknobs and crates, opening both without difficulty and with humor. You fully earned your magical moniker. You forced me to increase my training and behavior knowledge and I will always respect you for that.

You had both drive and persistence which made training you a challenge. You refused to be pushed around in the name of training and rightly fought back to any man-handling attempts. Your delight was evident when I learned a better way to teach you. We made strides faster than the speed of light and your responses made me beam with pride.

You became a dog trainer’s dream dog, able to go anywhere and be trusted with anyone. You helped shy and scared dogs learn to be brave. You showed reactive dogs that you were not a threat and that playing with another dog could be fun. You helped some dogs get certified to be canine good citizens; others, you showed your large repertoire of cues so they could watch and learn.

You were kind to everyone as long as they were kind to your family. You approached every situation as friendly until finding out otherwise. You LOVED puppies and helped raise Siri and her siblings until we sent all but Siri off to their forever homes. The memory of you laying on the floor letting puppies tug on you from various angles brings a huge smile to my face. You cared for the multitudes of foster puppies who spent time under our roof like they were your own. You grinned happily as they took new steps. And you sent them on their way to their forever homes with a smile.

You were welcoming to the many foster dogs that passed through our lives, on their way to their forever home. You helped them to feel comfortable and loved and happy. When corrections were needed, you issued them appropriately, showing kindness and restraint. Even as you eventually grew weary of one too many fosters, you handled it with dignity and grace and understood that we had a purpose higher than we may have preferred at times. You accepted our role and loved me despite minor inconveniences to your life. You understood that our little family was always number one and comforted by that fact.

You helped keep us safe in an urban neighborhood, sometimes fraught with strangeness. You always knew when to step in and when to let me handle things, perfectly assessing every situation. I didn’t teach you this, you were born with it.
You lived it. I respected your perfect instincts and understanding more than I can express.

You viewed life as an adventure, every new situation as something to look forward to. You trusted me to have your back and keep you safe.
Your sense of humor brought smiles to my day. You made every day fun and laughter. You reveled in the outdoors and made sure that every day had relaxation in it. Without your nudging, I would not have had as much play as I should have. You loved to go places, riding in the Xterra like a champ, “elbow” resting on the window ledge like a human male, grinning out the window with pleasure.

It was on one of our many outings that the first sign of trouble reared it’s ugly head. The day that we took our first trip to the vet, almost directly from am outing. On the way to find out what caused you such distress, I could not shake the feeling that my life had changed dramatically that day. I hoped I was being melodramatic but sadly, I was right. I would give anything to change what happened but I am grateful for the chance to have the extra time with you that no doctor said I would have. You handled all your vet visits with grace and dignity and even humor, making you a favorite at the specialists. They admired your good temperament and disposition, they loved your humor. They mourned with us when you were lost to us. Your loss created a void in the lives of many, the cards and condolences were plentiful, your memory a flame that will go on.

You took such good care of all of us, Kera, Siri, Trent and I, me being at the top of the list. I was your number one priority and truth be told, you were mine. I loved you best, feeling at one with your soul. You were more partner than the others. That always feels odd to say, fearing that some may not understand but I know that many will know what that means. It is a oneness with another creature that can only be described in that way, fully mutually understanding another without guessing, an ability to share thoughts and communicate without words. While that ability exists to an extent with my other beloved dogs, it has never reached such an understanding as with you. There is a piece missing now that can never be replaced. That’s okay now, as much as it can be, because I know that someday I will see you again. With that purpose in mind, wanting to live up to your ideal of me, making you proud, I move forward for you. I miss you with every ounce of my soul and I will celebrate your life as it deserves to be celebrated.

I have written and re-written the above in my mind a dozen times already. I wanted perfection for Merlin’s memorial but perfection is always out of reach; this is real life and there is no perfection. So I will “settle” for simply from the heart. Now an update on our emotional progress…

It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since I had say goodbye (for now) to my precious Merlin. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him multiple times a day. I can go from okay to tears in an instant with the right trigger. But it IS easier now to try to move forward. It was and still is a struggle randomly and I would be lying if I said it has been easy. I suppress a lot of trigger reactions. I basically forced myself to move forward, for the sake of Kera (who joined Merlin on June 1st), Siri and Trent. After we lost Kera, we would have continued into an even deeper downward spiral, so deep was the loss in our lives, if things continued as is.

Those of you who follow this blog know that what changed the direction for the better was Kenzo. Daily, I am grateful for the gift of his addition to our lives. His presence forced us back into the game of life. No matter how much complaining I may do about never subjecting myself to puppyhood again, the laughter that he brings us is worth his eventual weight in gold. I will forever be in debt to my dear friend who made Kenzo’s life with us possible.

In many ways, Kenzo reminds me of Merlin. I like to think that this was by design, Merlin’s that is. Kenzo lies down to drink water a good bit of the time. Merlin did that for his entire life, preferring the path of least resistance in many areas. Merlin also liked to play in water all of his life, starting with the water bowl as a puppy, as Kenzo has and continuing to splashing in any available stream or other accessible body of water. The only area that they differ with regards to water is Kenzo’s dislike of rain. Merlin loved all things wet, rain included. Kenzo, not so much! Merlin’s fur was forever dancing about the floors in fuzzy balls. Kenzo has accepted the responsibility of continuing that tradition down to the exact color of the fur balls. Kenzo is vocal when cuddled as Merlin was.

But make no mistake, they are two different dogs. I know this. I accept this. I would not have accepted a breed that reminded me of Merlin because I am not ready for that yet. I don’t know if I ever will be. I hope so as I love Dobermans with fierceness but I don’t want to make any comparisons so I wait. I miss my pokey nosed baby boy too much to risk more traumas. In the meantime, every black and tan (orange) butterfly that I see seems to be Merlin checking in with me. When my loss was brand new, I saw Merlin or thought I did, out of the corner of my eye, in various places he used to be. I do still see that but not often enough. I need the continued connection but I don’t think Merlin wants to me to dwell too much so I march forward and know that we will meet again. Until then, I love you more than words can say, my “little boy dog”.

Tags: behavior, celebrate life, dog, empathy, how, interaction, many, Merlin, multiple, partner, peace, puppy, respect, shelter, social, training, wonderful

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