Up Close & Personal: Why Too Much Togetherness Can Lead to Conflicts
As all of us humans are now adjusting to a new normal, so are the animals that we share our daily lives with. Some of those adjustments may be unpleasant, as many families are now spending far more time with one another than their previous routines allowed. While to many, this can be a welcome change. But to others, this can cause more/new conflicts with the human part of the equation so it comes as no surprise to some that it can also cause conflicts between our animals as well. If you are seeing your dogs becoming less tolerant of behaviors that they may have previously dismissed in the other canines in your home, then you are seeing the results of too much up close and personal time. Trigger stacking takes many forms. Read more about trigger stacking here and here . We can easily get on the nerves of those who love us the most when forced to spend more time together than we are used to. Add that to the lack of our usual sanity saving recreational activities and you have a situation rife for bickering. Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to set your dogs up for success than it is to do the same for the humans in your home.
If your household consists of dogs who get along better overall because they are separated when you are not home, then you are possibly now finding the extra time together has created more tensions between them. The same can be said of humans who live together so this is not abnormal. If you are working from home, it’s not a bad thing to continue the separation arrangements that would exist if you were leaving for your workplace, if that is an option. But perhaps the room where you are currently working from home is the room that one or more dogs would have to themselves while you are gone? Well, yes, you can still use that room for those dogs but I would also suggest that you alternate which dog(s) are in that room with you if possible. Say for example, you are working on your laptop in your kitchen and two dogs usually have the run of downstairs and one is usually upstairs (or *your* variation on this arrangement). Then switch them out at lunchtime. Make sure that the dog(s) that are not with you have some enrichment noise such as a soothing station on the radio or TV. This is something that should be happening when home alone anyway. Additionally, make sure that all dogs have some sort of enrichment activity as well, such as a snuffle mat, Kongs, etc. Obviously take into account whether there are any resource guarding issues in place when you create this arrangement. You know your own individual dog’s need best. I am only providing some guidelines to pull from. If there are resource guarding issues between any dogs in your home, that is beyond the scope of this article. A resource guarding situation needs professional intervention so reach out to your favorite modern dog friendly methods trainer or behavior consultant. Most of us are offering video consultations at this time so honestly, it doesn’t even matter where you are located.
If for some reason, the above suggestions are not an option, then you can get creative with some barriers such as x-pens and baby gates so that you can still work, but not have to be so on top of interactions that your work is suffering. Out of your home enrichment can also set the stage for a longer fuse in any dog. Walks are still permitted in most quarantined areas. The lack of commute can give you the time to get these enriching walks in before sitting down to do your work. Sniffing is the best outdoor enrichment activity for any dog and it’s free! Let your dogs sniff to their heart’s content or at least within the perimeters of your allowable time frame. Read more about that here . Distance covered during a walk matters far less than sniffing time frames. The more brain enrichment a dog has, the more tolerant they will be about perceived and real annoyances. A pandemic is never a good thing but the fact that it’s happening when we have more daylight to utilize is super helpful to both the sanity of the humans and the sanity of the dogs existing with those humans. Use that daylight for extra sniffing walks after your work day is done. Drive your dogs somewhere quieter to walk if your neighborhood has seen a heavy increase in foot traffic due to quarantine mandates that cause walks to be stressful rather than stress relieving. Cemeteries are often dog friendly. Read more about that here .
If you are not working from home or at all right now, then it’s more complicated because you are likely more than a little stressed. In one capacity, that makes you an essential worker worried about your health while doing your job. In another capacity, that makes you rightly stressed about finances. Either stress will be conveyed to your dogs. I cannot help you with your own stress levels unfortunately but I can say from personal experience as well as a vast amount of dog behavior knowledge, that the more you focus on what you *can* control in order to decrease your stress level, the more that your dogs will take their cues from you. Less stress exhibited outwardly by the human means less stress taken on by the dogs. Focusing on helping your dogs navigate this new world will help you all. Spend some daily time practicing behavior cues with your dogs, both one on one and together, if that would not cause a squabble. Allow all of the dogs in your home some alone time. The ability to walk away and relax or think, without any outside interference is a priceless gift. Know your own dog’s needs. Some dogs are introverts and some dogs are extroverts. And most are somewhere between the two. Learn more about displacement gestures here so that you can better recognize when a dog needs some room or a break from being up close and personal.
All of these suggestions are written from the perspective that these squabbles that you are now experiencing with your crew are *new* situations that have surfaced during the quarantine. Pre-existing issues are deeper seated and need a professional one on one to help you unravel the layers. If this is the case, please do consult a professional with experience with multiple dog households who also uses modern dog friendly methods. Punishment will make things worse. If you need help finding someone in your area (or even anywhere), please contact me. I would be happy to help you find someone. If it’s appropriate, I am offering video sessions as well. More on that below as well as contact info for either option. You can also comment in the comments under this article and I will get that eventually (it seems to be up to WordPress when that happens, sorry!).
Despite the fact that this is a scary new world for all of us, many of us now have the time and opportunity to recreate our relationships for the better now. And that opportunity is priceless. Take advantage of it if this applies to you. If you are one of the essential workers who never stopped working during this crisis, you have my utmost gratitude and respect. Thank you and stay safe everyone. We *will* get through this.
If you are interested in a virtual Zoom session, feel free to contact me directly at Debby@pawsitivereactions.com or view my website .
Thank you for sharing. Interesting article. I didn’t realize that too much togetherness can lead to conflicts in animals just like humans I am always looking for good dog blog posts to read. I am going to bookmark your site for future reference.
You are welcome and awesome!
I have 3 who get along excellently. Scout,6; Cash, 5; Bobby Lee, 4. All have come to my home as young puppies of 2ish months except Cash who was about 6 months. Scout can be a little iffy at times about NEW toys but that’s easily worked around and bones etc are only given in crates or separate rooms and always picked up. We often spend a lot of time in my room: I work remotely 3 days a week and I often have parvo fosters in my bathroom also. Lately, due to health issues, there has been less walks (mainly affects Bobby Lee). And I’m having to rearrange my room to function better as a workplace also so we’ve actually spent a couple of weeks rather cramped as furniture and boxes are everywhere! Sorry for such a long intro, getting to the point now. So the other night my son brought a bag of dog food in my room and set it down. Only thing different here is the type of food. My 3 are fine with food. Cash prefers to eat alone but I scout and Bobby Lee would share a bowl if I allowed it. Scout went over to check out the bag and Bobby Lee just jumped right on it and instigated a fight. He is 65 lbs and I am 104 but I was able to push them apart and Scout jumped back on the bed and Bobby Lee just went right back after her. I was once again able to push and hold them apart and kind of shove Scout into the gated bathroom. I was then able to get Bobby Lee to engage with me in a focus and quick tug game but he was still very over the top. I had my son (really his dog) come take Scout to his room to allow time and space for them. Looking back I can see that although it could have become a vicious dangerous fight at that time it must have been more “sound and fury” than fight to the death or I would not have able to physically push them apart as I did. Plus there were no scratches or bites to either dog. I am attributing it to all the recent small stressors and space issues and a different food than their usual and those are being worked on still. Until my room is back to normal space we’re keeping those 2 separated completely. Cash and Bobby Lee have never had issues including through this. Cash is very non confrontational which helps. Any other thoughts? We’ve worked hard over the years to learn and practice positive interrupters during rough play. I’ve also used tug with Bobby Lee, a bbm mix of some sort, as a way to learn self control when he’s highly aroused which is seldom honestly. He’s a pretty easy going guy who reads and responds to the other dogs signals well. We will soon be able to restart our regular sniff walks just not quite yet. Thanks for reading such a long tale!!!
It’s impossible to make suggestions for moving forward without asking a multitude of questions. I can either suggest a qualified behavior consultant in your area if you want to provide a zip code or you can consider scheduling a virtual session with me by emailing debby@pawsitivereactions.com I would suggest purchasing a can of Spray Shield to have handy to quickly break up spats. Spray at the nose of the dog invested in fighting to cause a reflex sneeze response that gives you enough time to separate dogs safely.